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Have you ever had the feeling that you are being stalked?

Ever scince me and one of my Ex-Friends got into a fight i feel like im being followed everywhere i go! im so glad i wasn't her friend for very long (we only knew each other for 2 and a half months) because if she had come over to my house then she would know where i live! but seriously i have this really bad feeling that she is following me or stalking me..... i guess if she followed me then she would know where i live! lol....... im not scared of her or anything im just scared she'll see me do somthing or hear me say something about her!

then again the chances of her following me is like 10/100 so a 10% chance she is following me or quoincidentally everywhere i go but there is a nice big 90% she isin't! i hoep she isn't!!!!

kk i like this guy and everyone keeps telling me that he likes me and he even told me last year but i didn't like him like i do now, so i told him we should be friends. and then one day he said that he doesn't like me anymore and that his friends are bugging him about me (im 1 year older than him but who gives a shit?) so His Friends bug him about that. and now i talk to him almost daily on msn, so now i really like him. does he still like me? is it His Friends? I wanna ask him out but im not sure if he does or doesn't like me!

he was out of town this weekend for hockey (lol he LOVES hockey!!!!!!) and the night before we left he told me he won't be on the computer for a bit and i can't stop thinking about him! i really want to go out with him but again, im not sure if

a) he likes me

b) he likes me but is hiding it from His Friends

or

c) he is telling the truthand he doesn't like me in that ways anymore

HIS FRIENDS are the f*cking problem!!!

i guess i can't be sure until i ask the question, i'm just so nervous!

What do you think?

be4 i get my story started i want you to know that if you don't like long stories, don't read mine because this one is long and confuseing!

Many ppl say that true friends never talk behind thier friends backs..............

I still can't believe the girl world these days.

I'm in grade 7 and I was going to go to this school farther away from home then the one i was going to go to. i didn't get into "my new school" until a day and a half after i started the one i am supposed to go to...... the school where all my friends are. MY dad worked at the school that i now go to and my sister also chose to go there (she is in grade 9) so a day and a half after going to the one i was supposed to i got transfered over to the one im in now. I thought i would make new friends instintly at my new school because i have always been known to have friends as soon as i go some where new! i also thought it would be easy because my sister made friends in no time at all! I didn't make any friends. i never did make a friend until the very end of october. mainly for 2 months i went to that school friendless. i made friends with this girl (i don't want to bring names up so im calling this girl, "p1") so i hung out with p1 and then i started to also hang out with p1's friend (her friend is going to be "p2") at lunch though p1 would start talking sh*t about p2 and they have aperently been friends for a long time so p1 talks to me about how p2 is annoying and never shuts up and then one day p1 told me "my secret is that i don't really like p2 she is so annoying so i pretend to be friends with her" im like okay lets talk about something else, i didn't want anything to do with what p1 said!

Around mid november, p1 started following me around and i could tottally tell she was being a two faced freak! she would talk sh*t behind p2's back and then p1 would tottaly act like she loved p2!One day i was talking to p2 about p1 and i was like "yeah she is really starting to bug me, she follows me around everywhere i go" p2 for who knows why told p1 what said and then p1 didn't talk to me during our gym class (i didn't know at that time that p2 told p1) and i asker what was wrong but she didn't answer so i walked away. then p1 got someone in the class to practically message to me why p1 was mad. (so she got mad at me for not saying to her face that she was annoying but she couldn't say to my face that she was mad and why) i ignored her ofcourse.

I tell my mom everything, my mom is more than a friend to me than a mom! my mom told me i had better things to worry about than p1 and i agreed with her. why waist my time so worry about some hypacrite?

Schoolis hell now, p1 started telling everyone bad things about me and ppl believed her at first. ya know how i said p1 was talking behind p2's back? she told p2 that i said those things. thats 2 friends lost in 1 week. well p2 wasn't not my friend it's just that i don't think i could be friends with someone who believes that about me and would listlen to what another person said! p1 started calling me a b*tch on msn and harrassing me on msn. ( at the time my msn messangerwas messed so i was using this other msn you can get online and i didn't know hwo to work it that well so i couldn't block her!) at school p1 got wait not got but forced p2 to come up to me and tell her that p1 is sorry and she wan't us to be friends again and that p1 said if she could talk to me she would tell me she will never say anythingbad about me again (even though she says that she still calls me a b*tch!) so i told p2 (without getting mad at p2) that i don't want to have p1 in my life and that she is not sorry and she doesn't want to talk to me because if she did want to talk to me she would tell me that herself. (again she can't tell me something to MY face) p2 had no comment to that one! after hearing it all and everything, my body started to shake violently whenever i thought or talked about p1. i don't know if i was shaking because i was angry or if i was depressed about the sitouation or if i was juststressed over it all, i could have been shking from more thta one emotion. All i know is that i was not likeing it so much that my brain diodn't know how to get the feelings out so it was affecting my body. i was starting to get obsessed with why she did that and how bad i felt and how hard or a time i was haveing and not to mention school work! so i got kinda obsessed with thinking how i could get out of this sitouation and my brain was using my body to get these feelings out of me. And that's when i knew this is not just a little sitouation anymore! it's big and it may be affecting my health.

After hearing p2 talk about p1 and how i should be friends with her again and being given dirty looks, winter holidays came! my mom randomly surprised me and my brothers and sister with a trip to Vancouver! i have a lot of family down there so my mom wanted us to get away from kelowna for a bit and just chill in Vancouver! I think Vancouver was a great idea. i was able to think about p1 and i tryed think out her side and how she felt and for a bit i was feeling bad for her. i think i was starting to forgive her.

I got back into kelowna from ana wsome trip (yes it was awaome ven though it was only 5-6 hours away) and i went back to school. p1 wasn't bugging me, p2 wasn't bugging me about p1. i thought things had finnally settled, but then i was in gym class and p2 randomly brought up p1. p2 told me that p1 wanted me to come over to her sleepover party! I was like "OMFG why would i do that? no wayam i going over to her house in the middle of a fight!" p2 left and told p1 i said no so p1 gets another girl to ask me and i said no again. i didn't want to be in the same room with her much less her house!

two nights ago i was on msn and she was on (i saved the convo so that i would have proof incase i needed it) she started to call me a lieing b*itch and all that but i didn't answer her, i knew she would say somthing bad and i knew those words might be the thing to get me out of this mess.

I showed to conver sation to my mom and she said "don't you ever go near this girl again" and then last night i was on msn and she was on. i was so mad she called me a b*tch that when she started talking to me again,i actually answered. She threatned me!!!! finnaly i had enough of the threats and told her not to bug me. she kept on saying i was immature because i couldn't talk to her. personnally i think she is immature because she callsme a b*tch andif im so b*tvhy why does she want to talk to me?

MY dad suffered from BPD and had an abusive, addictive, obsessing over one thing personality. I had noticed that p1 acts a lot like how my dad acted which is so wrong! With my dad he kept on apologizing and we always took him back, thinking about it why did me, my mom and my brothers and sister go through with it. that was no way to treat a person and for some reason we always gave mydad another chance. even this summer we started to have visits with him and by the end he wasacting the same way he did 3-4 years ago. P1 is expecting a second chance because she is so used to getting one! p1 and p2 have aperently faught a lot but p2 keeps taking p1 back just like how i took my dad back over andover again. ppl with this personalitly need to learn that they don't always get a second chance and not everyone will give them acertain chance. p1 keeps doing this to ppl because she knoes they will give her another chance. I guess you can say that iamnot, or i refuse to make the same horrible mistake twice! you can onlygive ppl 1 or two chances, if they srew up the 1st one bad enough don't give them a2nd. if they mess up the 1st and 2nd one, stay away from them.

Those are the type of ppl who put strong memmories in your head

unfortuatally those are strong bad memoriesim your head

not good ones

I had a good day. I've had a good few days of keeping myself busy and NOT dwelling on "poor me, I'm a poor widow who just broke up with her boyfriend and is NEVER going to find the RIGHT MAN!" Actually today I was busy,,, I did stuff around the house this morning and then I took the boys to Pam and Matts house,,, Matt watched them so they could play with TY and then Pam and I went spinning, at noon,with several other people,, pretty much a class! It was a Great workout... THEN I orgranized a movie night with the church girls... we saw PS. I LOVE YOU and it was pretty sad and sort of hard to watch,,, makes me wish I would have found a note from DWB! and while I was watching it, it made me sort of want CN back but now that I am home and thinking clearer I can know that was just my crazy emotions being drug around by the movie! BUT, I sure enjoyed the popcorn and MandM's that I starved for all day today!

THEN we went to Applebees for a drink! (didn't have the points left for that but oh well!) That was great, just chatting, Stacey T and I had a few quick heart to hearts in the car, to and from,,, she's a good friend. I just wish she had more time to enjoy life,,, she needs to learn how to slow down but I was just so glad she was able to come out with us tonight and it was nice Shaylee could watch the boys! LOVE EM!

When i woke up this morning, I called PP to make any appointment. Monday @ 2pm. The sooner the better, definitely!!

Steven came to pick me up around 5ish and of course leave it to my mom to embarass me... she's crazy, but i guess thats where i get it from! We went to Oggi's to watch the football game and enjoy eachother's company. We had a good time even tho jacksonville totally fucking lost. damn new england..

We sat next to eachother, cuz i said i didnt want to sit across from eachother, and he thought that was totally cute!! I wanted to be close to him, not with some table in between us. Oggi's has a bomb Hefeweizen!!! It was good, got me tipsy! He kept telling me that i was absolutely beautiful.. it was so sweet. I absolutely love looking into his eyes.When we left, we totally made out in his car for a while. We were just enjoying eachother. When he dropped me off, we made out some more. i just really wanted to keep kissing him forever ... feeling his body next to mine, his hands thru my hair.. mine thru his.. it just all felt so fucking good... i havent felt this way in such a long time.

This journal was made today!

The purpose of this journal is to document the progress of Group 23 throughout the Spring 2008 semester of Pharmacoeconomics. Please feel free to update it whenever you want to!

Haven't talked to CN in a few days now, since he was sick, other than a few texts just to let eachother know the other was okay... I was glad to know he made it home from Montana. He says he misses and loves me... I do miss him too, some!

I had Tom over for supper, then we went to his parents house for his brother's birthday cake. The boys had a blast running around their 13,000 sq. ft. home!

I think the stupid scale at the rec. says 124, THat is good but I need to be down about 6 more pounds to notice pants fitting better. I am hungry still lots but I am trying to just learn to enjoy the hungry pains! I want this pretty bad! I am working pretty hard at the eating and the working out part too! I've really been pushing myself in the gym! I will go spin with Pam tomorrow (Sat).

OH, something weird,,, I am spotting 5 days before I am expecting aunt flow! THat makes me wonder what's up and pisses me off! THat's why I am on the pill, to be regular! I better not be pregnant!

Okay I better get to bed!